Is there a God??? - Part 1

This was a question that I had decided I knew the answer to through my teenage years. Only I was in control of my destiny, of course there wasn't a God. I was an atheist, and quite happy with it.

By a few years later an element of doubt had crept in, I was living in a hostel with a drug addiction for company and was struggling with life. A guy called Wayne worked at this hostel, he was a young guy and easy to get on with. He'd take us to play 5-a-side football, out for coffee, that kind of thing.

Wayne was a christian, wasn't too pushy, but then again he didn't hide it either. Sometimes he'd tell me about what Jesus had done for him, changing his life for the better, and that Jesus also loved me and wanted to change my life too. He said Jesus loved me, always had, always would. I found this very hard to believe. How could he love me, when I hated myself? This couldn't be right! I was an heroin addict, what did God, if he existed, want with me? But I was intrigued.

There was a Gideon Bible in my room and I started to read it a little. I came across a passage in one of the Gospel books, I know now it was Mark 2:17. In it Jesus explains the kind of people he's come to save,

"On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

If there was one thing I was certain about, it was that I was a sinner! When I read that I realised that Jesus did love me, and even loved me enough to die for me!

I had to speak to Wayne right now! I ran around until I found him, "I want Jesus, and I want him now", was all I could say. He asked me a few questions, was I ready to turn away from the sin in my life? YES! Was I prepared to put effort in to changing with God's help? YES! Would I proclaim Jesus as my Lord and Saviour? YES! We prayed together and it was like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. Before, I'd always had an internal mental feeling that my head, if described in a picture, was a great big jumble of knotted string, it almost hurt when I closed my eyes. But now that was gone, something had definitely changed within me!

But, for the next 6 years my life was to get a lot harder. Was there a God??? I still wasn't completely sure.....