Wired In volunteers kick ass!

Earlier today I had a meeting with Rachel, a researcher from a TV production company based in London. The company she works for is looking to make a hard hitting, 2-part documentary about cocaine and heroin, which is planned to cover the whole process involved with drugs, that's everything from the farmers who grow the crops, to the street level user and the drug policy's that effect everyone, across the world.

They are looking for a city in the UK to film the heroin part of the program, and it looks like that city could be Cardiff! Rachel wanted to meet up with our volunteers to find out their feelings and thoughts on the issues facing drug users, how the drug policy's in place affect them and also to see if they wanted to be part of the cast!

Three of our volunteers were there, Chris Hobbs, Patrick McClellan and Brian White. It was a great meeting, everyone got stuck in debating the different issues that drug users are facing, from how people get into it, right through to how people get into recovery and what the treatment services can offer to them. We got on so well that three hours later we were still chatting! 

Rachel seemed to have a passion for the truth and I got a really good feeling about what her company wanted to do. But if there's one thing that stood out for me, it's how proud I felt of the guys there. They've come such a long way in a short time, and for them to be there, meeting with a production company researcher, who wants to put them on prime time! Well I'm filling up just thinking about it. Next stop Hollywood lads!

Everyone of the guy's there was an ex-heroin user. It just shows that addiction can be overcome and it is possible to have a fulfilling, active life after drug addiction. I'm not just talking about a lucky few people who manage to cling on to recovery by the skin of their teeth, I'm saying that EVERYONE who has a drug addiction has the potential within themselves to conquer it and live a free life again. That inner potential just needs to be realised and gently nurtured in a supportive atmosphere.

 

Methadone time limit??

One of Scotland's leading authorities on drug treatment, released a statement yesterday calling for a time limit on substitute methadone prescribing for heroin addicts. Neil McKeganey, Professor of Drugs Misuse Research at Glasgow University, said that methadone treatment should only be available for a short time, suggesting that 2 years is long enough for anyone to overcome their addiction problems before becoming drug free.

He said: "There is no question that methadone has a role to play in assisting addicts to become drug-free but we have far too many addicts on it for far too long, many of whom are continuing to use illegal drugs alongside their methadone," he said.

"I am not saying we should not have methadone but what I am saying is people should be on it for a modest period of time and moved on to a drug-free programme. If it's not time limited, they remain on it for far too long and I do not think we should have addicts on methadone for more than two years."

In my opinion, it is a vast generalisation to say that everyone with an addiction problem should be drug free within 2 years. It should be treated on a case by case basis, some may need methadone or another kind of substitute treatment (yes there is more than one kind) for a lot longer than the next man/women.

In my personal experience of treatment and recovery, I eventually realised that it was essential I be in control of my treatment, in both increasing and decreasing the dosage and also the time scale, (I'll be talking more about this in the near future). I was certainly a lot more successful in my recovery when I was given responsibility in making my own decisions, with medical guidance of course, than when it was forced upon me.

In a previous posting, I've talked about how I've experienced methadone being used in the wrong way, but implementing a blanket ruling such as a time limit is totally the wrong way of addressing this problem. There isn't a quick fix (no pun intended!) for solving the issue of addiction and recovery in our society. It's going to take a whole new treatment/recovery ethos, with 'client led' at the top of the list.

Greased lightning!!

I've recently been trying to get to grips with a new laptop, apparently this particular type of computer, a MacBook, is essential for film work! The thing is, I've never used a Mac before, so after getting the basic workings i.e. On/off, open browser,open/send emails, I figured that I should have a play with the built in video recording and editing software, after all, I was supposed to be filming/editing interviews with volunteers, very soon with this laptop! I knew how to open the program, imovie, but had absolutely no idea how to record or anything else for that matter, so unless I got to grips with it quickly, I was going to look like a right numpty, when I tried to use it in work.

So first thing the next morning, with a cup of strong coffee and a big thick encyclopedia of a Mac manual, I decided that I'd figure it out, once and for all. After playing about, tentatively trying every button on the screen, I finally found the record button and was so chuffed I decided to record something then and there, so I could then practice my editing. Well, that's when it all went wrong, and it was very much downhill from there.

At that exact moment, on the kitchen radio, a medley of songs from the musical film 'Grease' started. So in a flash of stupidity, I decided it was now or never, I turned the stereo right up, grabbed a TV remote control for a microphone and hit the record button!

For the next 4-5 minutes I belted it out, well, when I could remember the words! I was John Travolta himself! It made absolutely no difference at all that I knew hardly any of the words, because I was terrible! If you could achieve a number 1 hit by enthusiasm alone though, I'd be top of the charts, week in, week out! So after recording my singing and dancing, I saved it on the computer to be edited later.

After I'd finished a very basic edit on the footage, I decided it would be wrong to keep this all to myself. I figured that the whole world should see, and enjoy my shame So I uploaded it to You Tube, and when I was prompted to name it, I decided - 'Kevin making a fool out of himself' was apt!

So settle back and watch me, being me.

Photograph Copyright Paramount Pictures

 

Moving on...

At the moment I'm editing and uploading film to You Tube. The filming took place last year and Mark Saunders and I got to have a go at being on the 'other side' of the camera for a change! A lot of the people we filmed, have become volunteers with Wired In and have moved on somewhat from the stage they were at when the filming took place.

It is totally amazing how that change manifests itself for different people. One of the individuals we filmed is now drug free, has secure accommodation and has started to help others along their path to recovery. His spiritual life has blossomed, in fact he's a different person to the one we filmed - There's a sunny outlook now, the darkness has gone!

One of the other guys we filmed (Chris Hobbs) is now well maintained on a substitute prescription and doesn't use street drugs anymore. He also has his own private accommodation. With all the money he's saved from not buying drugs, he has passed his driving test and bought a car, which has given him the freedom to visit his extended family, living in England, and also to get around a lot easier with his young family.

To be in the position where I can witness individuals, making these kind of changes in their lives, is an unbelievable privilege that many do not get the chance to experience. It is definitely the best part of my job. There are many people that make it out of drug addiction into recovery, and recovery that is long-term too. But the problem is that we don't always get to hear about those people, and this is why I believe that what Wired In is doing is so important. For those who are still trapped in the depths of addiction, there can be no better person to hear about recovery from, than a recovered addict - straight from the horses mouth. 

We should all be pushing for this kind of thing to happen on a far bigger scale, with proper funding. Until ex-addicts are given the platform to be able to discuss their personal experiences, victory's and failures, then we simply aren't going to understand recovery, with all of it's connotations. The better our understanding of recovery, that is, understanding gained from those who have recovered, the better we can facilitate recovery in others.

More drug re-classification???

I read with interest a story highlighted on today's Daily Dose, about the probable re-classification of both ecstasy and LSD, from class A to class B. I agree that both of these drugs are less harmful than heroin, cocaine and injecting amphetamine and so yes probably should be in a different, lower class. 

But what I don't agree with, is the way this announcement is going to be portrayed in the media. We will have scaremongering stories, sensationalist in nature, all describing ecstasy and LSD as the nastiest things since Hitler, indeed The Sun has already started, quoting headlines from 2001 and 1995, of two deaths linked to ecstasy. Stories from 7 and 13 years ago? If that is not scaremongering, I don't know what is!

The 'street' ecstasy of today isn't what it used to be, even 5-10 years ago ( I sound like my Grandfather talking about the old days with rose-tinted glasses!) It was a lot stronger then and also cost a lot more.  Today, E costs as little as £1 or £2 a pill and contains anything but MDMA. Perhaps, because of these changes, the party drug of choice isn't even ecstasy anymore, many people have switched to ketamin, taking it in combination with other 'uppers'. 

Maybe before newspaper editors print stories they should consider both sides of the argument and give an non-biased view - Fat chance!!

Is it all worth it?

At the moment I'm feeling tired out and a little run down. There is a lot of after hours work to do, so many DIY jobs to do around the house and garden, family relationships and friendships to maintain and nurture. I really enjoy writing this blog but since I moved and lost my broadband connection for 10 days, my visitor numbers have dropped a lot. Sometimes I think, 'is it all worthwhile'?

It was when I was feeling sorry for myself, that I remembered the position I was in, only 2-3 years ago, with seemingly no hope and no future. The realisation hit me like a sledgehammer - of course life is difficult at times, and yes I do tend to get snappy and short tempered with those closest to me, my loved ones, in those difficult times (and always regret it afterwards and apologise unreservedly!) But, that is what makes life so beautiful - the variety! 

Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs, a merry-go-round of emotions and struggles, and we've all heard the saying - what goes up, must come down! It's a simple equation and what's more, if we didn't have tough times, how would we come to recognise and appreciate, the amazingly, brilliant times, that we've all experienced at some time or other, in our lives.

How we grade our experiences, good or bad, is relative to our past experiences. Because they are our personal yardstick's, our very own "control" in the experiment that is life. If all a particular individual has to look back on in their life, is tough times and pain, then perhaps they would consider a day that goes smoothly, without upset, pain or struggles, in fact without any kind of event what so ever! As the most joyful, happy day of their lives. It may only rate 2/10 to somebody else, but to them it was a perfect 10/10. How we rate our experiences, is very personal and depends almost entirely on what we've come to expect as 'normal'.

I tend to get caught up so much in the present that I almost forget about both past and future events, which usually results in me getting bogged down in what I'm doing at the time, getting stressed out, and then feeling sorry for myself. But now I've realised that this is happening to me at the moment, I'm able to do something about it, and assess my life logically - Today, I haven't injected myself or shoplifted. I didn't wake up withdrawing or have to search out money, risking imprisonment, death or injury, and I've got a beautiful girlfriend, who loves me with all she's got (even when I'm narky with her!)

On my new 'Kev scale' of good days, I reckon that makes for a perfect 10 of a day!

Is there a God??? - Part 2

After that day my life certainly got a lot, lot harder. My addiction to heroin got stronger with every failed attempt to stop using. There came a point where I just through the towel in, I figured that as I couldn't stop using the best thing to do was to use as much as I could, whenever I could, that way it would all be over soon-I hoped.

Even though Wayne had helped me to understand a little about Jesus, before I prayed to him, there was no continuation of this teaching and I knew nothing of what to expect from God or what my part of this bargain was. I didn't know any other Christians at this time, so my Christian life stopped there, before it had even got started!

It was 5 years later when I met a young lady that worked for a drug and alcohol charity, Wired In (formally 'WIRED'). I started to volunteer for this charity, although I didn't actually do anything or attend any planned meetings as my life was so hectic at this time! But then, only 4 months later I ended up in hospital, seriously ill. I didn't know it at the time but I was to spend the next 8 months in hospital, and would eventually need a hip replacement.

As a product of the life I had led, I didn't think much of other people, I felt they were all out for themselves and they would step on anyone to get where they wanted. My friendship with this young lady from Wired In, helped me to realise that not everybody was like this, that there were still kind and considerate people in the world. 

She would visit several times a week and we would spend hours talking about all sorts of things and having a laugh together. Then she started to talk about what being a Christian meant to her and how it had helped her. I was intrigued and so I started to read a Bible again and would have question after question to ask her about what I was reading. There was lots I couldn't grasp and some I thought was just plain wrong!

I had so much time on my hands that I would read almost constantly, as I was bed bound, it was 1 of the only things I could actually do! My mother brought me in a book she had bought from the hospital shop downstairs, 'Taming the tiger' by Tony Antony. It was a biography about a guy who had been world Kung Fu champion 3 years on the trot, until his life took a turn for the worse and he ended up in jail. I've always loved martial arts, from films to books, whatever! Bruce Lee is one of my heroes. So I thought I'd give this book a go.

I couldn't have possibly seen what was coming next! I'll tell you about it in part 3!

Chronic???

I thought I'd post a blog on the topic covered in an earlier blog by David Clark - 'The nature of addiction:chronic or not?'

In my opinion, addiction can seem like a chronic problem to overcome, especially when you're in the middle of it. There is not only the physical addiction to overcome, with all it can bring along - withdrawals, poor health etc: there is also the mental addiction, and the consequences of this can be far more reaching - lack of confidence, poor self-esteem etc, which can last a lifetime, whether or not that person stops using/drinking or not.

For those addicted to mind altering substances (and by that I mean alcoholics and drug users), understanding mental addiction can be a lot harder than understanding physical addiction. Physical addiction stops from between 1-5 days (depending on which drug or whether it's alcohol) after the last dose has been taken, those days characterised by physical withdrawals. Mental addiction doesn't stop there, it's far more complicated than that, it goes on and on whether or not you're actually physically using. Add to that equation the fact that not many addicts have even heard of something called 'mental addiction', let alone know how to combat and overcome it and you have a set of circumstances that are very, very hard to recover from.

I myself, in the earlier years of my addiction, couldn't understand why after a period of physical abstinence (not using) I would at some point, go back to using drugs addictively. My family figured that as I'd gone back to it, of my own free will, it must have been because I didn't really want to stop. I must admit, with what I understood about addiction at the time, that was the only conclusion I could come up with as well! But the fact was, I didn't want to be an addict.

It was years later that I realised, through contact with an inspirational man who ran the rehab I went to - LivingStones, that whenever I had managed, by a huge act of will, to stop using for any length of time (sometimes a week, sometimes a year), I was still mentally addicted, that was why I'd eventually go back to using. I needed to break my mental addiction to secure any kind of meaningful recovery. 

Breaking my mental addiction was a long process and involved such things as support from those who understand addiction and recovery, a change of the setting I was in, building up a new set of friends, belief that I could achieve my goals ( from myself and those supporting me), having structure in my day and getting involved in voluntary work that boosted my confidence.

So personally, I don't think of the word 'chronic' in a negative sense. To me it portrays the long-term nature of recover from serious substance use problems. Recovery is not something that comes over night - it takes a lot of hard work over a period of time and that is why it is so important to have long-term help and support available. At the moment many treatment services think that putting people, for instance, on a methadone script, is classed as successful treatment - but it's not as simple as this, as I have said above - people need help dealing with all of the other issues in their lives (i.e. the reasons they began using and the problems that have occurred as a result of their using). I think if workers understand the chronic and long term nature of addiction, then the ways that they try to address the problems will be far more effective and longer lasting.

The most important thing is, that if addiction is labelled as a chronic disease then people MUST be made aware that RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE. Calling addiction a chronic disorder and not telling and showing people that addiction can be overcome would be very detrimental to the addict.

All in all I'd say yes, addiction is chronic and yes, it can be overcome.

The Wired In 'Way Forward'

Wired In's strategy was launched today on Daily Dose and I for one think it's bang on! Drug and alcohol services out there should be offering a service based on 'recovery' not simply treatment for treatment's sake.

In an earlier blog I spoke of my experiences of community based drug services in my local area, and how once I was on Methadone my key worker thought her job was done, she couldn't even remember my name without looking on her folder. For people to succeed in obtaining lasting recovery, they need a strong relationship with their worker/s which is led by the client themselves. Without this it becomes very hard to make any meaningful, lasting changes to their lives. 

I'd like to stress I'm not saying all the doctors, CPN's or key-workers I've ever been with, have been of no help to me, because that simply wouldn't be true, my current GP is excellent and I know there are many other excellent workers out there.But, we need more of them and if your in a 'caring job' and aren't enjoying it or you've lost your enthusiasm, then get out, do something else, something that will fulfill you.

The current 'containment' strategy in operation, at prescribing services up and down the country isn't working. Yes substitute prescribing has it's place, but it's not the magical answer to everything.

Film Blog and subscription in a Reader

You’ll see we’ve launched a new blog, 'Our films', which we will periodically update with our film material. We will be working in this way until we launch during the summer our new online recovery resource at www.wiredin.org.uk.

Since we have a number of blogs, you may find it difficult to keep up-to-date with all that we are publishing. There’s an easy way to do this - by subscribing to a reader.

When set up, the online feed reader will automatically search our blogs for new material and then put all that material in one place (a webpage) for you to read. This free service takes all the effort out of keeping up with our blogs. And you can access them from anywhere!

How to set it up - 

·      Click on ‘Subscribe in a reader’ (Right hand column).

·      Choose which application to use out of the selection shown (Google is great for beginners!).

·      Choose ‘Add to Google Reader’.

·      If you have a Google email account then just type in your details. If not, it only takes a couple of minutes to set up a Google account.

·      Save your Google Reader account to your Favourites for easy access whenever you want.

We hope you’re enjoying our stuff.

"The Journey"...An amazing production by Teen Challenge

Last night I went to watch a musical called "The Journey", a dramatic story of an addict's search for freedom, put on by Teen Challenge UK and hosted at the City Temple, Cardiff. I'm not really sure what I expected, but I was absolutely blown away by what I experienced. All of the cast were recovering addicts as were much of the crew. It was so powerful that I, amongst many, was in tears.

It charted one man's decline into drug addiction, with all of it's chaos, fear and pain, and followed his story right through until he had invited the life changing power of Jesus Christ into his life. All of the scene's having well thought out props with amazing music and lyrics to boot. It was a very accurate and true to life script, it didn't over sensationalise addiction, but nor did it pull it's punches either.

It ended with the lead actor, David Cartwright, giving his personal testimony about how Jesus had freed him from his own heroin addiction. He spoke of his life now - happily married, working in a Christian ministry with recovering addicts, with such a complete look of joy and freedom upon his face that his peacefulness shone from him.

Personally, it helped me to reconsider my position in life. Where I had come from, what I had achieved, and where I hoped my life will lead. It re-grounded me in my recovery, and I gratefully thanked the Lord Jesus for also ridding me of my addictions, reiterating my promise to follow his teachings and example in my everyday life. 

When I bump into old using friends, a common question from them is "how come you succeeded in quitting drugs this time when you'd failed so many times before. What was different this time?" None of them expect the answer they get, "Becoming a Christian and using Jesus' strength, not just my own". Life still has ups and downs, but now I have a mental and spiritual strength that I didn't have before, and a God that's always there for me. 

Check out the trailer on the Teen Challenge website.

 

The film of my recovery launches on the web!

This film chronicles my 15 year struggle with addiction and how I found my pathway to recovery. In addition, my mother, Kerry, explains the effect that my addiction had on her and the rest of my family.

Making this film was really emotional as I revisited some of the most difficult parts of my life. However, I feel that it was more than worth it as I have had the opportunity to reach out to others who are facing similar issues – giving them hope and encouragement that it is possible to break free from addiction and enjoy life again.

Since completing this film I feel that I have come a long way. I moved out of the rehab and into a shared house, continued with my voluntary work and then gained full-time employment as a Substance Misuse Worker. I’ve recently bought my own house with my girlfriend and I’m really enjoying life – the good and the bad!

As the film was shot in high definition, we have had to cut it up into eight sections so that it could be viewed on the web. There is also a shorter version (8 minutes long), which is a summary of my journey.

I hope that you enjoy this film and that you gain a better understanding of addiction and recovery. I would really appreciate hearing your feedback, so please do not hesitate to contact me (kevinm@wiredin.org.uk). 

Dutch trial of heroin prescribing

I read with interest the article highlighted on today's Daily Dose about the first large scale randomised trial in prescribing heroin to those whom methadone has failed to help. The Dutch findings show that there are possibilities beyond standard treatment options. This goes to show that methadone isn't the be-all and end-all it is proclaimed to be in this country and that there is another viable option that we can implement in the UK.

My experience of the NHS run services in my area are a production line of get 'em on methadone, forget 'em,  and the job's a good 'un. This simply doesn't work. Firstly it made me feel like a second rate human being, worthy of only second rate treatment. Secondly, when it didn't work for me, I thought that was the end of the road for me, that there wasn't anything else that could be done to help me and therefore I was doomed to a life of addiction and pain.

With help and support from people who actually understand the concept of recovery (including my friends at WIRED IN) I managed to get over that belief and get stronger in my recovery - but many of my friends didn't get that kind of support, and lots of them are dead now and don't have another shot at it. That's how important it is that we get this right, it's life and death and we don't get second chances at that.

Vancouver mayoral candidates unite to keep 'shooting gallery' open

In a news conference in downtown Vancouver, four different candidates from two different party's plus a former mayor, came together to deliver a united message to the federal government: stop being ideological, look at the facts, and allow Vancouver's supervised-injection site to stay open.

Non-Partisan Association (NPA) Councillor, Peter Ladner said he realizes that it bothers some policy-makers that people who use the site often have to commit crimes and always have to buy illegal drugs on the street in order to be there, but they have to realize the site has community support and is a humanitarian response to a terrible health crisis.

As covered in an earlier blog, the supervised injecting site was recently reviewed by an expert advisory committee commissioned by Health Minister, Tony Clement to decide whether or not the site was having favourable results in the community it serves. Their findings showed the site was doing just that, providing health benefits without increasing harm.

A member of that panel, Dr Thomas Kerr, a researcher with the Centre for Excellence on HIV/AIDS, commented, "Now it's time for the federal government to honour the findings and stop asking if this program should remain open."

The site's current exemption from federal drug laws expires June 30, but Federal Health Minister Tony Clement hasn't yet said whether he will extend the pass and allow the site to remain open.

Why is it that after fighting to get this place open in the first place, and it being proven to benefit the local community, that it's future still isn't guaranteed? Far from looking to close it, the Canadian Government should be heralding this project as the success it is, and promoting it across Canada and the World as a whole. I for one would welcome this kind of provision in the UK. When our Government is looking for 'new' strategy's why don't they look at what's working in other Countries and follow their example?

It's time for a whole new approach to 'recovery' in the UK.

The scandal of skunk

It seems the UK has gone skunk crazy. There's been a massive media campaign which has hyped up fears of skunk to the point that we're scared of our own shadows. Gordon Brown is planning to re-classify cannabis up to a class B drug. This decision totally ignores the recommendations to be published today by the government's scientific experts, the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs, that cannabis should remain class C. Why have an Advisory Council of experts if your not going to heed their advice?

In a statement last week Gordon Brown described Cannabis as a gateway drug and that reclassification was needed to "send a message to young people that it was unacceptable".

One of the reasons that the Advisory Council found that Cannabis should remain at class C, was that raising the classification, and therefore the penalties, would not stop people from using it. In fact it places Cannabis even more firmly in the hands of criminal gangs. If Gordon Brown really wanted to make sure it couldn't be used as a gateway drug by youngsters, he should have decriminalised it totally. By having it tightly controlled and on sale in only licensed premises, he would have taken it from the organised crime gangs, and therefore also taken the Cannabis smokers out of that world too, it couldn't possibly 'lead on' to something else then. Another plus is that the strength of the Cannabis being sold could also be controlled, with different types from weak to stronger being offered for sale, as in Amsterdam, giving the smoker the choice and information to go along with it.

No Gordon, I'm afraid your petty excuses won't wash. So what's the real reason that this reclassification is going ahead?

Alan Carr's "Easy way to stop smoking"

I started to read this book last night and was absolutely stunned by the claims it made. Apparently 90% of the people who go through Allen Carr's EASYWAY clinics, kick the smoking habit for good. As anybody in the addiction field will know these statistics are the thing of dreams for any of the services offering help with addiction, world wide.

I've only just scratched the surface of this book, but it set my mind thinking, what, fundamentally, is the difference to being addicted to nicotine or any other substance? If these claims are true, they must obviously work on a psychological level, changing the way we think, which then leads on to a change in the physical state, changing the way we feel and act.

I don't know how substantiated these claims are or whether or not the same principles this method uses could be applied to other addictive drugs.

Has anybody else read this book or gone to Allen Carr's clinics? If so, did it work for you?

I'll keep you posted as I go along

Recovery-snakes and ladders:part 4

I walked back to my friends house and apologised to him for my actions, it was a tearful reunion. He knew what I'd planned to do with the money I'd taken, as I'd left him a note trying to explain my actions. I'd hoped my end would justify my means, it didn't.

I then spent the night in an empty flat and woke up to the landlord banging on the door first thing in the morning, kicking me out into the street. What had happened to me? What had I become? I knew I was sinking deeper into a life of pain and social exclusion, that's why I took the OD. Call me selfish but I couldn't face up to the fact I was sinking to a whole new level. Now I'd even stolen from a friend, I was scum. The only way I knew of dealing with these feelings, was by self-medicating, I needed to block out the self-loathing and despair I felt for myself.

I didn't think it could get any worse, but, little did I know the next 5 years were going to be a living hell. Over this period I couldn't even bring myself to look in the mirror. I was the lowest of the low, a failure who couldn't even manage to kill himself. I hated myself but was powerless to do anything about it.