A problem forgotten

It's a problem that has been getting steadily worse over the last decade, lots of it has to do with the boom in heavy and hard drug use being seen as the 'main' substance misuse issue that our society has to deal with. 

I'm talking about alcohol and more directly about alcoholism, which doesn't seem to bother people anywhere near as much as drug use. To my thinking alcoholism, heroin addiction, even over the counter (OTC) medicine addiction are essentially one and the same in the way they affect the person in the end - addiction is alcoholism is addiction - Any one who just can't stop using a substance when the negative aspects out way the positive aspect of that use, is in big trouble - lies, deceit, denial and total emotional shutdown followed by increasing self-loathing is not far off! 

Another aspect of alcohol abuse that's causing chronic liver problems in people as young as their early twenty's is binge drinking, which has become a very popular pastime indeed. But there is a big difference between an alcoholic and a binge drinker. A friend of mine, Tom, once described this difference as -

"If a doctor tells a binge drinker that he will die within a year if he continues to drink, he will stop straight away. The alcoholic in the same situation, wouldn't be able to"

Why should alcoholics be treated any differently to addicts? Is it because treating them wouldn't bring a big crime rate dividend? 

The National Audit Office (NAO) has recently looked at what the NHS Primary Care Trusts (PCT) have been doing in the way of providing alcohol services. Primary Care Trusts are a very important part of the NHS, and they get about 80% of the total NHS budget. PCTs decide what health services a local community needs, and they are responsible for providing them. 

The NAO found that a quarter of PCTs had not carried out assessments of the problem locally, four in 10 did not have a strategy in place and a third did not know what they were spending on the problem.

Where evidence on investment was available, just £600,000 a year - or 0.1% of the budget - was spent on average.

The report said, because of the lack of co-ordination, the services were not providing value for money.

The NHS spends £2.7bn a year on alcohol abuse, treating ailments such as liver disease. Why not spend a bit more than the frankly laughable amount of £600,000 on trying to stop the problems getting this far along? There are lots of people out there that would respond to a brief intervention from their GP with some aftercare to follow up. Come on, the problems there, now do something about it.

Thank you to the BBC for the facts and figures

Methadone withdrawals...

I wake up, bleary eyed and dis-orientated, frustration bubbles through my veins as sleep has evaded me for what seems like the whole night. My legs feel like two logs after an eternity of unsolicited movement, twitching and kicking repeatedly and I smell like a chemical soaked rag. Anger erupts into a flurry of violence as I try to beat my addiction into submission, after punching myself on the temple, I'm seeing stars.

Eyes closed the water pounds away at my body; my mind meanwhile is frantically searching for peace. A peace that will only come with total exhaustion, and so not really peace but more like unconsciousness. I know searching is useless but I have little control of that part of me, instead I attempt to wash the stench from me - soap, rinse, soap, rinse, soap, rinse. I notice that I have goosebumps all over me still, the heat of the water has no effect on that symptom.

I lie back on the bed, my body, for the moment, feels rather numb. The heat helping to ease the cramps, but my mind still is a tightly wound spring. I start to drift into blackness, noticing as I do so the soap hasn't helped - I still smell like roadkill. All I want is to sleep - to simply not be, anymore.

Twice in my life I've had to stop using methadone without the luxury of reducing slowly. Compared to a heroin detox it isn't as violent but for me it was far, far longer lasting. Something else I noticed too was that even if I had a hit of smack I still didn't feel 100%, they may both be opiates but they affect me slightly differently. Only methadone would get rid of all the withdrawal symptoms. This told me that I wasn't a heroin addict, I wasn't even an opiate addict but rather a methadone addict. Other opiates might help a bit but not even dia-morphine would sort the withdrawals out completely - only methadone would do that now.

But far better than methadone for sorting out withdrawals, is time (and time, goes by, so slowly, and time, can do so much) but enough of the Righteous Bros! I wanted to write about this subject today as I believe it's important to remind ourselves of our past, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Wired In's new Recovery Support Group

Well, with Monday's rant behind me I've decided to let you know about the new Wired In To Recovery Support Group!! 

It's been set up as peer-support group, enabling those in recovery from substance use to give and get support from others in the same boat as them. We meet once a week, every week, on a Wednesday evening from 6 - 8pm. As well as a group sessions, we also have a big social aspect to the group. 

The Wired In volunteers that have helped to set this group up, felt that is was very important to have a social aspect to the group as it can be hard to socialise in a safe environment, drink and drug free, once you're in recovery. The groups are held at the premises of a local Housing association (2A Alexander Street, Cathays, Cardiff), where there is a chill out room with a pool table and a kitchen that can be used at every meeting, also helping people to make and strengthen friendships within the group.

This group is run by people in recovery for others in recovery, enabling experiences and support to be shared by like-minded people. As with all Wired In projects, there is no charge for these services. If anyone is interested in coming to this group or just wants some more information then please email me on kevinm@wiredin.org.uk or give me a call on 07541216011.

NTA's annual figures

I've been following with interest the debate that has followed since the release of the NTA's annual figures. Mark Easton, the BBC's home editor has reported on what he, like many others, sees as the farce that the NTA is trying to sell.

The NTA's figures concentrate on having 202,000 people in treatment last year but the people that left treatment drug-free was a bit lower - 7,324! I notice that they aren't shouting about that one! The NTA's focus is on getting people into treatment, that much is obvious, but for only a short time - 12 weeks. I say this because they have targets of 'retention in treatment' in which the box is ticked once people have lasted 12 weeks. But they don't have any targets for people leaving treatment drug-free! How can this be?

It seems to me that it's because the NTA aren't interested in getting people out the other side of treatment drug-free but rather more interested in getting people in for 12 weeks and job done! They don't care whether or not the service user achieves abstinence but rather that they are retained in treatment. The reason? So the public will think they're doing a good job and sleep safely in their beds tonight.

They do this by refusing point-blank to reduce the amount of methadone an individual will be receiving. It doesn't matter whether that person is stable, giving clear urine tests and meeting every demand they have. They will not reduce that methadone or send you to rehab, because they are scared to death that people will achieve a stable drug-free recovery and that will put them out of a job. The whole system stinks and people are starting to realise that, the charade is coming to an end. As the saying goes - you can't fool all the people all the time!

Millions upon millions are being wasted because the NTA won't admit they are wrong and change direction to focus on recovery and the things that will aid recovery, and not just keep on with their present tack of treatment for treatments sake, which, as their figures show, isn't actually helping many people to achieve drug-free lives. My fear is that when the public, as a whole, realise this there will be such a outrage at the wasted money that the drug and alcohol field's budget will be slashed and we'll be lucky to help many people at all.

Wired In Recovery Support group

I've had a brilliant day of travelling around treatment providers in Cardiff giving a talk to let people know about the new support group we're setting up. The response I got was very encouraging from everywhere I went, although I got drenched while cycling around!

We had our first group last Wednesday, to which the turnout was great for a first group, a whole 4 people! It's going to be happening once a week from now on and is going to consist of a meeting in which participants will discuss their recovery and what's happening from day to day for them. There will be positive feedback encouraged as it's essentially a peer-support group, run by those in recovery, for those in recovery. After that there will be a chill out time for people to get to know each other over a cuppa and a game of pool. 

Well I didn't publish this straight away so it's a couple of days later now and we've had another group since writing this. I've been blown away by the response that I have received from people while telling them about this group. It's so encouraging to be told by people in recovery that they would like to attend this group. I've even had staff members from treatment providers I've visited asking if they can volunteer- it's been an amazing experience!!

I'm going to keep you all posted on how things go.

No smoking!!!

It's now well into the second week and my mission to stop smoking is continuing. Apart from a lapse on the weekend of half a ciggie, (bloody awful that it was!) everything is going well. I even stopped using the patches after a couple of days as I didn't really think they were necessary for me.

As for cravings, they only seem to bother me in the evenings after I've had my dinner and I'm relaxing on the sofa. But what I've found is that as long as I distract myself initially, by thinking or doing something else, the cravings don't last long and are easily managed. Physically I don't feel any different at all, not worse or better and I certainly haven't had any physical withdrawals!

Mentally though I'm feeling a whole lot better. I've finally conquered the fags! Hopefully no lung cancer or the like for me! My mental outlook changed after I had that lapse on the week end. It tasted awful and after that I realised that I don't want to smoke. It's been plain sailing since then. 

If you smoke and are considering giving up my advice would be to go for it. I didn't find it as hard as I thought I would and the same may apply to you!

Nicotine free!!

Well I'm into my second day 'nicotine free' and it's a lot easier than I expected, I'm glad to say! Stopping smoking has been on my mind for some time now and the crunch point came on Sunday evening when my stockpiled tobacco had run out and I needed to buy more. Yes that's right, my decision had nothing to do with the health implications of smoking but rather the dent in my wallet.

I whacked a patch on halfway through yesterday, courtesy of my GP ( but which had sat in my kitchen drawer for over 6 months!) It made me feel a little dizzy at first but then it did it's job just fine. I might be talking a little too soon but I've not experienced any major cravings so far! Last night was the only time I found hard. I'd just had dinner and was relaxing on the sofa when the craving came, but, thankfully it didn't last long and wasn't too much to handle.

I'd always thought I could give up the fags if I'd wanted to and I'm starting to feel that I was right in thinking that! The thing is, I've never wanted to before, so I've never tried! There's been a bit of a discussion progressing on the comment board of one of the films on our You Tube channel - Wired In Recovery, on whether nicotine or heroin is harder to get off! Check it out.

At this early stage, I'd say that heroin was a lot tougher to kick!

Heroin addicted elephant is out of rehab

The bull elephant, named Xiguang or Big Brother, has finally finished his 3 year detox program, based on a tropical Island.

He had been force-fed heroin laced bananas by his captors, who were illegal traders based in China, so they would be able to control him. When these captors were arrested in 2005, Big Brother went into 'care' but initial attempts to detox him proved too dangerous as 'even iron chains could not contain him', the Chiana daily newspaper reported.

After this first, failed attempt he was transported to Hainan to start his medicated detox. Here he was given methadone injections at a dosage of 5 times the usual human dose. After a year the frequency of these injections was gradually reduced, at a very slow rate to minimise his discomfort. He was also treated to bathing and massage treatments as part of his detox program. 

Since finishing his program he has been relocated to a new home in the mainland city of Kunming, the capital city of his home province, Yunnan.  

I read this story in the Cardiff Metro newspaper on 5/09/08 and at first it seemed very sad, upseting me greatly. An elephant that couldn't have fully realised what was going on, was put through the hell of living with addiction and withdrawal. On thinking about it further though, it then occured to me that during his detox this elephant had received better treatment than most of the people I know who struggle with substance misuse problems - A holistic detox program which included substitute prescribing in a reduction plan, with massage and hot baths to boot, and to top it off, an aftercare program which included re-housing!

If only the treatment services for human beings were so caring and thorough in the delivery of their service. 

August weather

Well what a terrible summer we've had! I was travelling home from work a week or so ago when it was absolutely tipping it down. I noticed that as we were sitting in traffic and the rain had built up on the windscreen creating what I thought was an interesting effect. So I whiped my camera out and grabbed a photo.

I first got into photography about 15 years ago but haven't really taken any photo's for the past 10 years. I've recently purchased a new camera and I'm really enjoying taking pictures again!

Outside the law?

I read with interest an newspaper article from around a month ago which highlighted the arrest of Hans and Eve Rausing for drugs offences after she was caught trying to smuggle heroin and crack into a function at the American embassy in London. When police searched the couples home in an exclusive part of Chelsea, they found more crack and heroin and nearly £2000 worth of cocaine. Hans is a heir to the multi-billion pound Tetra Pak drinks carton empire and Eve is the daughter of a Pepsi-Cola executive.

But none of this so far is very unusual, well ok, getting caught with class A drugs whilst trying to get into a party at the American Embassy has never happened to me but it's what I read next that bothered me. At a hearing at Westminster Magistrates it was announced that all charges are to be dropped. Yes, dropped! They are to receive conditional cautions. Exactly what this means I'm not sure but it's probable that they will have to attend some kind drug misuse programmes.

Why, just because they're well known socialites, should they be treated any differently? How can the Crown Prosecution Service justify treating this case differently to any other drug possession case? 

What gets me the most about this isn't the fact that they've been 'let off' but that this course of action isn't normally used. Surely it's better to offer the opportunity of good treatment options to those with substance misuse issues? We all know that throwing people in jail doesn't 'cure' addiction! It's obvious from this that when it's one of the middle/upper classes own that's been caught with drugs and admitted they have an addiction; they're treated a lot differently to the working class addict.

If this course of action is the right one for this kind of case why isn't it the course of action taken that is normally taken?

Addiction shouldn't be treated as a criminal issue. It's a health and social issue and therefore the answers to it will come from the health and social field.

Big brother

A while back I was talking to somebody about the new DIP (drug intervention program) in Cardiff. He had just had his prescription taken over by the DIP after, I think, being caught offending but I might have got that wrong.

It was what he told me about how he picks up his methadone that I couldn't get my head around. He said there was a machine that scans your retina and then dispenses the methadone to you. I thought this geezer had lost it - that he'd been watching too much Star trek or something!! So I politely nodded and made the right noises and didn't believe a word of it!

But, weeks later it was still on my mind. The thing was I couldn't bring myself to ask anyone about this for thinking I'd make a right tit out of myself! But I finally decided to find out once and for all and it was true. When you first go there it's all set up and the machine takes an image of your retina which is recorded, so then everyday when you want your juice all you have to do is go in, stick your head in the right place and out comes your meth - bish, bash, bosh, simple as that... right?

Well no, it's not right - retina scanning???? Bollocks to that!! What better way to implement totalitarian measures than on an already vulnerable element of our society. Let's face it, the DIP gets it's clients from people made to go there after they've been drug tested by courts. They've got to go otherwise they go to jail, then they're made to have their retina scanned and recorded to be able to pick up their methadone. 

The other way to get in the DIP is to refer yourself. But you might ask why would people refer themselves to something like that? Because they can get a script within 2-3 weeks rather than waiting 1-2 years going the NHS Community Addiction route. Most people think the only treatment for heroin addiction is methadone, that's what is banded about by so-called professionals. So, desperate to get off the gear they turn to the green saviour, methadone, thinking it'll make everything better well unfortunately that's not the case. If addiction was that simple we wouldn't be in the mess we're in today. 

The next thing we know they'll be putting microchips in those seeking treatment for addiction. When is all the bullshit going to stop? How can the waiting list be so long at the Community Addiction Unit (where, incidentally, there's no retina scanning or finger printing) and so very short at the DIP where they employ such big brother tactics as this??

If they really wanted to help addicts and help communities then put some decent money into the kind of services that are going to do that, not just napalm people with methadone and record their retina scans so they can be kept track of in the future.

To pinch a quote from Stuart Honor - "Poverty isn't soluble in methadone hydrochloride"

Heroin drought in the South West

Apparently the police are doing well in their fight against heroin trafficking to the UK as there has been a severe shortage of heroin across the Midlands, into Mersey side and especially in Bristol, Cardiff and Newport.

Drug users are reporting heroin has been increasingly harder to come by over the last few weeks and the little that is about, is of a poor quality. This has got me thinking, how does this affect the heroin user? Some I know have actually stopped using, preferring to sit out the drought and wait for something better to come along. But from my past experience the usual response is one of desperation; frantic phone calls and a search to rival that of the 'great escape' to find something of some kind of quality. If that fails, people will buy whatever they can get their hands on to see them through. 

This can be dangerous, more so to the IV heroin user, as the only gear they can get their hands on is very weak, containing a very high percentage of adulterants and can cause even more damage to veins, liver etc than the heroin they're used to using plus of course they need to use more of it due to it's weak nature.

More worrying though is what happens when stronger gear finally makes it way through to street level. How a drought normally works is that there is a lot of rubbish gear around for a month or so, interspersed with gear of a better quality but only available in small amounts for a very limited time. So, everyone's tolerance drops during this time (quite severely in a lot of cases) and they're also injecting more gear in every hit. Then as quick as it has come, it's gone, and everything goes back to 'normal'.

It's obvious what can happen during this time - lots of overdoses. People aren't prepared for the stronger heroin and by the time you find out it can be too late. Two types of heroin can be exactly the same in colour and consistency etc but be very different in strength. Nobody believes a dealer when they tell you their gear is top quality and to take it easy - because they always say that, even if their gear is shite!

So I'd like to ask people to be careful and warn others to be careful too - the drought won't last forever so if you're going to use IV heroin then ask questions of fellow addicts about the gear your buying and if there is any doubt just push a little in, wait for it to hit you, settle into it, find out how strong it is before you put the whole hit in. If it is strong you can always keep it in the pin until a bit later.

To reach recovery you need to stay alive long enough for everything to click into place - use safely!

Knife culture

Yesterday evening I was riding through the centre of Cardiff at 7pm when I saw 4 youths running after another teenager who was riding a bike. At first I thought they were all messing about, but then when one of the boys caught up with the lad on the bike, I saw him hit him a couple of times, the lad fell to the ground and it was then I realised he'd been stabbed twice. Blood was spurting out of his arm as the 4 boys ran off.

He then walked over to me, asking me to help him. My first instinct was to get as far away from him as I could, there was blood everywhere and I didn't want to risk the possibility of getting infected with anything. But I knew he was loosing a lot of blood and panicking and he didn't know what to do about it. I told him to place his hand over the wound that was bleeding a lot, while I phoned an ambulance. 

The blood was still coming out very fast between his fingers so I used a t-shirt as a makeshift bandage/tourniquet, and put that over the wound. That had sorted the bleeding out,slowing it right down. Meanwhile the lad was really panicking so I sat him down, asked him his name and tried to calm him down a bit. There was a crowd around by then and the police had just turned up, also a doctor driving by had stopped and come over to help. I was still reassuring the lad, Daniel that he was going to be alright but that he was going to have to go to hospital to get stitches. Really I thought he was going to need an operation to fix whatever had been cut, I think it was a major vein and not an artery as his arm was still getting a good blood supply. 

Daniel asked me to phone his parents and let them know what was happening, I tried to get away with just telling his dad that he'd been hurt and was going to hospital. But his father was having none of this and prised out of me that he'd been stabbed. I could here his mother crying in the background, which only made the whole experience even harder. I never want to make another telephone call like that, ever again. It was horrific.

I'd noticed another wound to his chest, just below his nipple. It looked exactly the same as the other wound so I knew it was deep, but it wasn't bleeding, so I took no more notice of it. My concern was to stop the bleeding in the other wound. Amazingly I was quite calm throughout all of this, I knew what had to be done and once I'd made the decision to help him, in spite of knowing I'd be covered with his blood, I simply got on with it. 

When the ambulance left with Daniel, I looked down at myself; I was drenched in his blood. That was when the severity of the situation hit me, I think I was in a bit of shock myself. I knew he was lucky that there wasn't anymore damage done.

I telephoned his parents today to see how Daniel was doing. He's still in hospital but doing fine and likely to go home tomorrow. The wound on his chest turned out to have been lucky not to have killed him - 2inches deep and directly over his heart, apparently half an inch further and it would have punctured his heart. It's baffled the doctors too, as it wasn't bleeding at all! The wound on his arm was 3 inches deep and needed a good amount of stitches, inside and out, to fix.

It turns out that Daniel knew his attacker's,  it was a disagreement from junior school that started all of this. What I can't comprehend is why a teenage boy would throw away 3-5 years of his life in an unprovoked attack - he ran up behind Daniel and stabbed him twice. What a waste of his life and his talents. I hope this doesn't start a never ending cycle of prison sentences for that young boy, and that he's able to make something of his life.

I'm just glad that I was there and able to help Daniel, it was definitely the right thing to have done.

Another day in recovery...

I was on the train earlier, travelling back from meeting up with one of our volunteers, and it was absolutely lashing it down! It got me thinking about rain and how it makes me feel!

Watching and listening to the rain has always had a theraputic effect on me. It does a number of things for me - It helps me to take stock of my life, short and longer term; It helps me to feel more positively about what's going on in my life at the time; But most of all it's a time when I can ground myself again - to get back in touch with the real me! I find it a lot easier to think when I'm sat watching the rain fall.

When it's raining I like to sit in my outhouse, drink tea, smoke and contemplate life, it works for me!

Celebrity's drug rehabilitation

Earlier tonight on the 'Living' channel, I was watching a program about celebrity's and rehabs, the successes and the failures and all the hype that goes along with it. It pisses me off when I think about celeb's with loads of money, taking shed loads of drugs, because that's what celeb's are supposed to do, aren't they? It feels to me like they're making a shambles and a joke out of real addiction and real people with real problems.

When everything starts to get too much, up comes the manager to pay for a top class, 5 star rehab for them. The cynic in me says more often than not, it's for the publicity, the old adage- any publicity, even bad publicity, is good publicity! We can all think of at least a couple of celeb's that would fit into that bracket. 

The example they're setting to the thousands of youngsters that look up to them is a very dangerous one - 'yes, you can use and abuse drugs and drink and when you've had enough, just go to rehab'. Well I'm afraid it's not like that in the real world. What really pisses me off is that these are the stories of rehab's that make it into the media, and they're the stories that help to lead public opinion on them. In my world, the odds of getting into a rehab at the time that it could actually help, is about the same as having a white Christmas!

Well, I feel a lot better for getting that off my chest!

"Parasite told of drug cost"

'Each class A drug addict costs society over three quarters of a million pounds, a judge reminded one heroin user.

Judge Stephen QC said some would describe people like Ashley Blower, 31, of Maesteg, as parasites.

"You don't work, you steal from other people, spending your benefits on drugs and obtaining additional money you need from wholesale shoplifting," he told him.

"People may be interested to know that the Ministry of Justice published figures recently indicating how much it costs society to look after a class A addict and the cost was £800,000 for each one."

Blower had been cleared by a jury of possessing heroin with intent but convicted of possession. He was sentanced to 18 months' supervision with attendance on a substance abuse program and an enhanced thinking course. He spent 259 days in custody awaiting trial, during which time he said he has been drug free.'

This story was printed in Monday July 7th edition of The South Wales Echo. I decided to highlight it here to see what other people thought of it.

The 'Recovery Movement'

I decided to get involved with the “Recovery Movement’ as I feel the substance misuse field really needs rejuvenating. There is a lot about the field that is good but I’m afraid there is more that is both negative and non-productive. If we all speak up about this, that is addicts, recovered addicts, and all those working in the field, and say what we think about treatment services, the good, the bad and the ugly, then just maybe the policy makers will start listening and actually develop a new, recovery based treatment service that will help more people into sustained recovery from their addictions.

Those with addiction problems should be shown all the treatment/recovery options when they present asking for help, including – abstinence based, maintenance based, counselling, CBT etc, with an explanation of what all of the options entail.

The concept of a ‘Recovery Movement’ is very simple – the joining together of like-minded, ambitious people who are willing to do what they can to adapt the treatment system so it will help more people into sustained recovery. My aim is to highlight the areas, both good and bad, that need looking at with a view to improving them, so that we can maximise the good that this field does for those with substance misuse issues and also remove some of the barriers that are in the way for those seeking to change their behaviour.

There are lots of people and services around the UK that are pushing the recovery agenda on their own, cut off from others who are trying to do the same. By bringing all of these people together, we will make a stronger, louder voice, a voice that will reach Westminster with so much energy, it will demand a response!

Well, they're my thought's on the 'Recovery Movement', to see what the Prof has to say please visit 'The Prof speaks out'.

The black or white approach to treatment

I read with interest the story highlighted on today's Daily Dose - 'Tackling substance abuse in families'. Bruce Thomson starts by saying-

"Debate regarding the most appropriate ways to help people to get off drugs has resulted in what often seem to be polarised positions in favour of either methadone prescribing or abstinence-based interventions."

This has long been the case in the substance misuse field - why it is so I'm not sure, as it is a pointless debate with both sides losing out. In my opinion the "extras" that usually come with abstinence based programs, i.e. counselling, fellowship groups, reflection/meditation groups, one to one/group therapy etc, are what make the difference. 

Why aren't all of these "extra" interventions offered with methadone maintenance or reduction prescribing? I don't see any reasons why they couldn't fit together, in fact, I've worked in a project myself that offered this kind of methadone prescribing service, which was then reduced leading to abstinence as the final goal - with good success rates I'd like to add. To my knowledge this project is the only one of it's kind. It could work just as well with methadone maintenance for those wanting that.

I'd like to see the whole range of interventions being offered to prospective clients with a kind of self-selection (with professional guidance) of the particular services they'd like to have in their recovery program, kind of like choosing what subjects to take for your GCSE's! This way service users aren't being forced into doing something that they don't need just to get the services that will help them. Of course for this to happen there would need to be co-operation between different services throughout treatment, all governed by a new kind of direct access free service, doing the initial assessment, referrals and overseeing/supporting the clients throughout the whole process including the aftercare.

That would be my 'perfect world' answer to substance misuse! No black or white but black AND white - I think I'd call it 'The zebra intervention'!

My Wired In experience

It was early 2005 when I first had any contact with Wired In. At the time I was a chaotic drug addict and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t quit using, in fact I had given up even trying. I just wanted everything to end; I’d simply had enough of life on my knees. Then I met Sarah, who worked for Wired In, we got talking and hit it off. I could see that she genuinely cared and that really surprised me, she was young, pretty and she wanted to spend time talking to me, a no-good drug addict (that was how I felt about myself), very strange!

I then started to volunteer with Wired In but I didn’t really do a lot at first, as my life was so chaotic. Usually I would just meet up with Sarah and have a good chat, I think that was what I really needed at the time. Sarah helped me to realise that there was more to the world than just darkness and pain, she had no ulterior motives for being my friend, it was only because she cared about what I was going through and wanted to support me. It was when I realised this that my outlook on life started to change. For me to accept, and believe I was actually worth that friendship was a huge step for me, in fact, it was the first step on the pathway to my recovery.

Since then I have got involved in lots of different activities with Wired In, and all of them served to increase my self-esteem, confidence, knowledge and skills; in fact I learnt a lot of new skills - public speaking, facilitating group sessions, conducting filmed interviews and about addiction/recovery as a whole, but more important than this I also learnt a lot about myself - my strengths, weaknesses, even who I really was and what I wanted to do with my life. It soon became clear to me that I wanted to work full-time in the substance misuse field and in October 2007, I secured a paid post with The Salvation Army as a Substance Misuse Worker. I’ve recently changed jobs and now work as the Community Development Co-ordinator with Wired In. My job is both challenging and very rewarding; I wouldn’t change it for the world!

Volunteering for Wired In has changed my life in so many, positive ways, I am indebted to all of the team, Sarah especially. I am now living a happy, fulfilled life and volunteering with Wired In was one of the main factors that helped me to turn my life around.

Wired In releases new film on You Tube

I've just been looking through the footage we have for the series "Life as a heroin addict'. It's helped me to realise how important it is to get information about addiction, treatment and recovery, out there in the public domain. It is something that people in the wider community don't know a lot about, apart that is from the exaggerated, sensationalist, usually negative, stories portrayed in the media.

If we are to encourage addicts in recovery to participate in recovery communities, then likewise we need to encourage people in the wider community to except and embrace those in recovery, welcoming them back into the heart of the local community. To do this we first need to break down the view that society has of drug addicts by education and by example. Look at me, I was a heroin/crack addict and now I hold down a respectable job, pay my taxes and live within the law.

By advertising my victory over addiction, I am showing my community that - 1) It is possible to overcome addiction/alcoholism. 2) That not all addicts/alcoholics & those in recovery are a danger to anyone. 3) People can change.

Likewise, I am showing my fellow addicts/alcoholics that - 1) It is possible to recover from addiction/alcoholism. 2) It is possible to live without the cravings to use/drink. 3) It is possible to be a valued member of the community again. 4) The stigma around addiction/alcoholism can be overcome. 5)  The communities opinion of those who have come from an addiction/alcoholic background can be changed for the better with education, time and patience.

I know this kind of dramatic change of opinion in the UK isn't going to happen overnight, but I also know that unless people like you and I, start to speak up for what we believe then It's never going to happen and this situation is going to get a lot worse for everyone. I want my children to grow up in a world where those living with health problems get the help they need promptly, with the support of their local community so that they can heal fully. I don't think that's too much to ask. Do you?

A letter to...

This letter was published in The Guardian last Saturday, brutally honest, it struck a chord with me -

My brother, my dirty secret

This letter comes too late. I always meant to write to you, to let you know I am not ashamed of you. But I left it and left it. No time, busy life ... I knew you struggled not only with your addiction, but also with the demons in your mind, the anxiety and panic that have seized you since you were a little boy.

You were born with an illness, I think - a depressive, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and I am sorry for you. Perhaps I shouldn't blame you for trying to blank it out with substances. Nobody really knows the pain you've had all your life.

But I was angry at the way you treated Mum. You broke her. She saw things no mother should see. Because of your dependence on her, and the way you were always an infant to her, you involved her in a lifestyle to which she shouldn't have been exposed. She told me about a time she had to step over you as she cleaned her kitchen, you lying on the floor with your head in the dog's basket, unconscious but breathing. The depths of depravity. And then she looked at you again, you had stopped breathing, and you made her feel guilty about ignoring you. But she was so used to seeing you in that state, she was leaving you to come round. I was angry that she had to resuscitate you, more than once, and then call the ambulance not knowing if you were dead or alive.

Mum and Dad were permanently strung out, jumping and looking at each other in fear every time the phone rang, thinking you had been found dead, that this one was going to be the call they dreaded. I was furious that you brought drugs into all our lives, and that they have changed our family. It incensed me that just before you went into rehab, and on the doctor's advice, Mum had to give you £100 a day to keep you in heroin. If you had sufficient heroin in your system, you would not crave drink, they said. And it was drink that made you wild, self-destructive. It was when you were drinking that you were most at risk. I think back to when you regularly self-harmed, and when Mum and Dad used to come home and find blood around the house and all up the stairs. And when you told them you had sat up all night with a shotgun in your mouth, wondering whether to pull the trigger ... I was angry you did all this to them, that you involved them to such an extent in your troubles, and that Mum's health has suffered.

I have been reading some of the notes you made in rehab. One of your big fears was that I was ashamed of you, that you couldn't hold your head up around me, and that you felt ashamed of yourself because of your addiction. I wasn't ashamed of you. But it's hard to love a heroin addict. The seediness - needles, veins, ligatures - it makes me feel sick. And you know I had to protect my children. I couldn't bring them anywhere near you. The unpredictability of your behaviour was not something I wanted them to witness, and I didn't want to have to explain anything. They are young, and childhood innocence is too precious. I didn't want you or your addiction to touch their lives. You were my dirty secret.

We got you back at Christmas. After eight months in rehab, you came back, clean, with your beautiful smile and a lovely new girlfriend. It was so good to see you. My talented, charming, funny, handsome brother was back. I gave you a kiss for the first time in ages - because you were my brother and I was so proud of you. I didn't think you could change your life. I didn't even expect you to complete the treatment.

It's so sad that your, and our, happiness was short-lived. Despite being free of drugs, the stuff in your head wouldn't leave you. "The bastards in my head are still there, and I'm scared I won't feel any different when I come out," you wrote to me during your rehab. You made a valiant effort, my dear brother. We were all elated at your recovery, and nervously held high hopes for the future. But you couldn't really cope in the real world, could you? And you were too scared to tell anyone.

This letter comes too late. Because you were found dead in your car with a needle in your arm. God bless you, sweet James, and may you rest in peace. Your exhausting struggle is over. I am not ashamed of you. I am proud you were my brother.

Love, LH

My experience of methadone reduction

When I went to my first appointment at the CAU (Community Addiction Unit) in Cardiff and asked for help in stopping using heroin and crack cocaine, I was told that they could give me methadone for the heroin addiction and there wasn't anything they could do for the crack habit. So I went on to methadone, starting at 20ml/day.

I told them that I was injecting a lot of heroin ( 1-2 grams/day), so would that amount of methadone be enough for me? I was then advised to 'top up with heroin' until the methadone had gone up to a high enough dose to hold me on it's own, and then to gradually reduce my heroin use. The problem was I couldn't control the amount of heroin I used, that depended solely on the amount of money I had, and nothing else! So I ended up on 120ml/day of methadone and I was still using the same amount, if not more, of heroin. I'd gone in with 2 addictions and come out with 3, in a right daze - basically I was up the creek without a paddle!

When push came to shove and I ended up in hospital, with an unconnected injury, for 8 months, I decided to look into rehab options. I met with my CAU key worker, explained that I wanted to get off the methadone as I wasn't using heroin anymore, and go to a rehab, I was told in no uncertain terms that she thought I wasn't ready for rehab and the local authority wouldn't be funding it.

As it happens that was probably for the best as I found a rehab myself, funded by housing benefit in Cardiff, that had a place for me. So I left hospital and went straight into LivingStones Rehab. I wanted to discuss reducing my methadone, so at this point I went to see my key worker again, really chuffed to be able to give my first negative urine sample(negative for heroin), She said that's great but I'd like to increase your methadone dose, just in case. I couldn't believe it, why raise it? I'd stopped taking heroin, was in a stable environment, with support and they wanted to raise my dose? After a lengthy discussion, she agreed to not increasing it but would have none of it when it came to talk of reducing it.

So I decided to write my own reduction plan, as I was on weekly pickup it was possible for me to measure it myself and discard the remainder. I decided on 10% drops every week, until I was completely off it. I let my key worker know my plan, accepted the flack she gave me and got on with it.

Every time I went in for an appointment after that I ended up being chastised for reducing myself,it was going smoothly but she still wouldn't agree to reducing as I wanted and would only drop it to the level I was on that day, so by the next week I was having to measure it and throw away the excess again. No matter what I said or how I explained it, the CAU would not reduce it for me, worse than that they put every barrier possible in front of me. This went on for months, in fact it wasn't until I was on 8ml/day that they realised I was serious about coming off methadone for good and actually started to reduce it for me when I asked.

At a time when I was taking huge steps forward the CAU were trying to drag me back at every opportunity, that was how it felt to me. I'd go as far to say they made it a lot harder than it could of been, it was only because I was so certain that I was making the right decision did I continue it alone. I didn't want to have to argue my point and defend my position at every appointment, I wanted supporting in what I was doing. It was my decision to reduce and it was a decision I didn't make lightly. But I was forced to fight a pitched battle all the way through my reduction.

It took me just over 5 months to get off 120ml/day of methadone, the sweating went on a lot longer but has also improved vastly! But there is one thing I'd like to know - Why was there so much opposition from the CAU to me coming off methadone? I have my own ideas about that but if there's anyone else out there who can help me understand this, then please let me know!

I'd like to add that I know the way the CAU acted was obviously in accordance with the directives passed down to them, and weren't local decisions. So the real question is - Why is it this way?

Chance meetings...

                            Left to right - Paul, Myself, Stuart, Jason

I've not long returned from a two day visit 'oop north', taking in Manchester, Liverpool and Warrington and visiting various services in those locality's. On Monday evening I was meeting up with various people from the NTA, DAT's etc in a coffee shop in central Manchester. I should stress that this was my first ever visit (although I plan to return shortly), as I'm sat down first of all a lad I know from Cardiff, and haven't seen for 4 years walks up to me and then I can see two lads sat opposite us keep looking up and smiling at us. Well, we were a varied bunch so I thought that explained that one! 

But it wasn't that, they actually recognised Prof D from his writings in DDN (drink and drugs news), and then when Stuart Honor joined us it tipped the balance and they came over to say hello. They were Paul and Jason from Blackburn,Both of them have recovered from drug addiction and they are now both involved in The Thomas Project in Blackburn. 

I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason so I'm going to keeping in touch with the lads and hopefully I'll be visiting The Thomas Project very soon.

Keep taking the medicine???

I've just read The Guardian article highlighted on Daily Dose, in which the head of the National Treatment Agency, Paul Hayes, dismisses 'ideologues' who claim his organisation's addiction programmes aren't working. Well I for one agree with him, his organisation's addiction programmes most definitely are working, They've managed to give everyone who walked in to a treatment centre and asked for help to stop using drugs another addiction, methadone. The reasons? It's cheap, it keeps the people on it subdued and they hope it'll lower the crime rate.

Paul also says that the evidence for maintenance prescribing is clear and robust, "There are 130% more people in treatment than when we started [in 2001], rather than half the people dropping out because treatment isn't of good quality."

Clear and robust??? If you were drugged up to the eye balls on 100, 150 or 250ml of methadone a day, would you be able to drop out of treatment? What about your methadone addiction? It is only the methadone that locks people in treatment, most never escape the trap.

Why are the NTA giving this message? The message should be - 

"IT IS POSSIBLE TO OVERCOME ADDICTION AND LIVE A PRODUCTIVE, JOY FULL LIFE!!"

Recovery is where it is, not treatment for treatment's sake. The power of community, that's how we're going to sort out the shit-pit, this country's become. The Recovery Movement is gathering pace.

It's time to dust your boots off and get stuck in, before it's too late.

The ups and downs of recovery!

I've been in recovery for 3 years, there's been ups and there's been downs during this time. Life is that way, there couldn't possibly be another way of living as there's so much out of our personal control. It took me a little while to realise this as when ever tough times had come along in previous non-using times, I had gone straight back to using. I had no other way of dealing with the crap, life threw at me.

The problem was I saw myself as a victim and that I had it hard. The truth is I made life choices at a young age that I was now paying for, I myself was not a victim of anyone but myself. When this finally sank in with me, I knew that I had to stop moping around and take responsibility for my responses to these things that came at me in life, the good, the bad and the ugly, and try to deal with them in a positive fashion. I was only able to do this with support from others in recovery alongside professional support/direction.

Just realising that I had options in the choices I made, i.e. to use or not essentially, was like being set free in itself, and it laid the foundations for me to build my recovery on.

Thank you to everyone who played a part in helping me to realise my potential.

Scottish encouragement!

I've just returned from a 2 day work visit to Edinburgh and Glasgow, what an amazing place! They've hit the nail right on the head with the new drug strategy- recovery is what it's about, not just being thrown on a script and hoping for the best, but support in all areas of their lives.

Firstly I visited LEAP in Edinburgh and was amazed by everything about the place, I sat in on the morning group and the guys there made me very welcome and then got straight down to business-honesty, frankness and companionship were the order of the day. LEAP has only been open since the end of last year but is having a massive impact on the local scene already, I think they've got the balance of structure/supervision and freedom of the clients as close to perfect as I've seen.

This is hard to explain but the guys there had light and goodness emanating from them, they were totally unashamedly, themselves. Not pretending to be something they weren't, like we see all too often on the street! It was captivating, and it's because they have found/come to terms with their real self, that they are going to make it in their recovery's.

To be honest the field of substance misuse in Wales was getting me down a bit, I think a lot of people can see that the emphasis is in the wrong area. All of our eggs have been in the one basket! I just hope and pray that the rest of the UK can follow Scotland's example and listen to the recovering addicts and alcoholics and find out what they think might help others into recovery.

Recovery community's are the way forward, real life survivors supporting others in the same boat. Of course there are many other facets to a sustained recovery but I'm leaning more and more towards support from like minded people being up towards the top of the list! In supporting others (and that doesn't mean much, just listening will do!) you are building up both your confidence and self-esteem, which then carries you through the tough times too. Simple but effective!

Wired In is hoping we'll get the chance to work a lot closer with LEAP in the near future - fingers crossed!

Dr Jackal & DJ Hyde return to Cardiff!!

Yes you heard correct! The boys are back, firstly on Radio Cardiff, Wednesday 11 June 2008. You can also listen on 98.7 fm. I'm also told that Gary and John will be back in the clubs of Cardiff very soon, bringing their very own line of 90's DnB.

It's been many years since they've played together but Gary has continued to play under the guise of 'G Sharp', some of you will certainly recognise that name from the clubs.

So get on it this Wednesday!

Wired In volunteers kick ass!

Earlier today I had a meeting with Rachel, a researcher from a TV production company based in London. The company she works for is looking to make a hard hitting, 2-part documentary about cocaine and heroin, which is planned to cover the whole process involved with drugs, that's everything from the farmers who grow the crops, to the street level user and the drug policy's that effect everyone, across the world.

They are looking for a city in the UK to film the heroin part of the program, and it looks like that city could be Cardiff! Rachel wanted to meet up with our volunteers to find out their feelings and thoughts on the issues facing drug users, how the drug policy's in place affect them and also to see if they wanted to be part of the cast!

Three of our volunteers were there, Chris Hobbs, Patrick McClellan and Brian White. It was a great meeting, everyone got stuck in debating the different issues that drug users are facing, from how people get into it, right through to how people get into recovery and what the treatment services can offer to them. We got on so well that three hours later we were still chatting! 

Rachel seemed to have a passion for the truth and I got a really good feeling about what her company wanted to do. But if there's one thing that stood out for me, it's how proud I felt of the guys there. They've come such a long way in a short time, and for them to be there, meeting with a production company researcher, who wants to put them on prime time! Well I'm filling up just thinking about it. Next stop Hollywood lads!

Everyone of the guy's there was an ex-heroin user. It just shows that addiction can be overcome and it is possible to have a fulfilling, active life after drug addiction. I'm not just talking about a lucky few people who manage to cling on to recovery by the skin of their teeth, I'm saying that EVERYONE who has a drug addiction has the potential within themselves to conquer it and live a free life again. That inner potential just needs to be realised and gently nurtured in a supportive atmosphere.