I've been in recovery for 3 years, there's been ups and there's been downs during this time. Life is that way, there couldn't possibly be another way of living as there's so much out of our personal control. It took me a little while to realise this as when ever tough times had come along in previous non-using times, I had gone straight back to using. I had no other way of dealing with the crap, life threw at me.
The problem was I saw myself as a victim and that I had it hard. The truth is I made life choices at a young age that I was now paying for, I myself was not a victim of anyone but myself. When this finally sank in with me, I knew that I had to stop moping around and take responsibility for my responses to these things that came at me in life, the good, the bad and the ugly, and try to deal with them in a positive fashion. I was only able to do this with support from others in recovery alongside professional support/direction.
Just realising that I had options in the choices I made, i.e. to use or not essentially, was like being set free in itself, and it laid the foundations for me to build my recovery on.
Thank you to everyone who played a part in helping me to realise my potential.
3 comments:
What a great blog this is! I love the refreshing honesty. Recovery obviously isnt easy. If it was we'd have been here years ago and we would have recovery communiteies and communities of recovery all over the UK but with people like yourself showing the way people will follow. You are an "Ambassador of Recovery". The point about victim(ology)is so well made. As the old AA saying goes: "Poor Me, Poor me = Pour me another drink". Mark Gilman
I agree completely...your life IS in your own hands.
Though it's not easy to do it on your own(thats where organisations such as Wired In really have a part to play)ultimately it is YOUR choice whether to use or not.
Keep up the good work Kev as you are an inspiration to those still struggling.
You have a great life ahead of you.
There are huge recovery communities all over the world and this has been the case for decades.
I myself first got clean in the eighties and was in recovery both in london and Sydney, there were large and strong recovery communities then and still are in both cities.I relapsed for several years in the 90s and came back into recovery quite a few years ago now. There are hundreds of NA,CA and AA meetings in london every week and many more around the country. I have met some amazing people over the years and made some very special friends. Without the support that fellowship and like-minded people have given me I would possibly have had a very different life, one blighted by continuing addiction, despair, dependency on clinics and misinformed keyworkers and repeated visits to detoxes and other drug services, my daughter would have been taken into local authority care, I would undoubtably be in a relationship with another using addict, inextricably enmeshed and dependent on each other and calling it love whilst watching each other through the haze of the concoction of drugs I so loved to use, slowly kill ourselves. The other distinct possibility of course is that I would be dead and buried long ago like so many of the people I started using with. There were many near misses - My luck would have run out eventually.
There is no doubt in my mind that the therapuetic value of one addict helping another addict is without parallel.
I agree we have to commit ourselves to life and all it's ups and downs, we cannot remain a victim of our past if we want to remain in recovery. What I have learn't is that in order to do this I have had to address the underlying issues that were why I used drugs in the first place. I have only been able to get to the point where I fully recognise the need to this by being regularly around other recovering people, their courage, honesty and love to themselves and each other.
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