Recovery-snakes and ladders:part 4

I walked back to my friends house and apologised to him for my actions, it was a tearful reunion. He knew what I'd planned to do with the money I'd taken, as I'd left him a note trying to explain my actions. I'd hoped my end would justify my means, it didn't.

I then spent the night in an empty flat and woke up to the landlord banging on the door first thing in the morning, kicking me out into the street. What had happened to me? What had I become? I knew I was sinking deeper into a life of pain and social exclusion, that's why I took the OD. Call me selfish but I couldn't face up to the fact I was sinking to a whole new level. Now I'd even stolen from a friend, I was scum. The only way I knew of dealing with these feelings, was by self-medicating, I needed to block out the self-loathing and despair I felt for myself.

I didn't think it could get any worse, but, little did I know the next 5 years were going to be a living hell. Over this period I couldn't even bring myself to look in the mirror. I was the lowest of the low, a failure who couldn't even manage to kill himself. I hated myself but was powerless to do anything about it.