Hope 08

I'd like to bring your attention to a 4 day long event which is happening nation wide from 2nd May to 5th May. The south Wales contingent of this event is localised in Sofia Gardens, Cardiff ( off Cathedral Road ). It's a Christian run occasion which aims to highlight the Good News of Christ Jesus, with events spread around South Wales by day, and a coming together in the evenings at a marquee in Sofia Gardens.

http://www.hope-revolution.com/Publisher/Article.aspx?id=110276

As part of Hope 08, three young people from Cardiff are planning to experience how some people in poverty are forced to live, day in, day out, namely sleeping rough in self made 'shanty towns'. The guys will build a makeshift shelter out of cardboard and tarpaulin, living in it from this Friday through to Monday. One of the guys, Richard, spoke to me earlier today, explaining that their objective is to raise awareness of 3rd world poverty, and at the same time raise money to combat this problem.

I've heard about similar events before, where I'd felt that the people involved were there for the wrong reasons, namely to further their own cause, maybe even because it was something to put on their CV to make them stand out. Talking to Richard, I didn't sense anything of this shallowness I've talked about, I think the guys motives are in the right place, and I wish them well.

It's easy for us all to get swept along in the ups and downs of everyday life, but please take a moment to consider the plight of those less well off than yourselves. People who don't even have the basics such as food, water and shelter. We can all do something to help, it doesn't have to be giving money, it could be something as simple as telling people about this event or giving a little of your time to help others.

Please remember that it isn't just in 3rd World Country's that people are living in poverty, it's on our doorsteps too...

This time next week...

Yesterday was the worst day I've had in a long while, I received some news that isn't totally confirmed, but, if so, could change my whole life. My world was spinning, stomach spasming. I was losing control. What should I do? It was at that moment I made the best decision I've ever made, no I didn't score, I telephoned the girl I love. With her reassurance and guidance I regained control.

As a 'recovering addict,' I've come to realise that previously my natural reaction would have been negative. I would have seized the opportunity and used this as an excuse to have used drugs. Part coping method, part escape. I know from experience that if I had used, my situation would have got a lot worse, very quickly.

It actually turned from the worst day, to a day in which I learned an important lesson. I learnt that it isn't material things that are vitally important in my life. I am not defined by my house, my car, my job, my bank account, my clothes, they are all external, all things that can be taken away, and therefore I shall not put my treasure in them. It's whats inside that is important, vitally so. Nobody can touch that. So take away my money, my health, my job, my material world, in the big picture they are unimportant, they shall fade away in due course anyway, but my spirit shall always be joined with God's, and I will always love. In those places does my treasure Lay, and my treasure has set me free.

Who knows where I'll be this time next week, maybe good, maybe bad, it's actually irrelevant to my internal well being. That's all I need to know!

It's been a while!!

Sorry there's been nothing up for a week. I've moved house, virgin messed up my broadband transfer and I've been painting, drilling, cleaning etc.

Will hopefully be back as normal next week. Thankyou all for your patience, Kev

Is there a God??? - Part 1

This was a question that I had decided I knew the answer to through my teenage years. Only I was in control of my destiny, of course there wasn't a God. I was an atheist, and quite happy with it.

By a few years later an element of doubt had crept in, I was living in a hostel with a drug addiction for company and was struggling with life. A guy called Wayne worked at this hostel, he was a young guy and easy to get on with. He'd take us to play 5-a-side football, out for coffee, that kind of thing.

Wayne was a christian, wasn't too pushy, but then again he didn't hide it either. Sometimes he'd tell me about what Jesus had done for him, changing his life for the better, and that Jesus also loved me and wanted to change my life too. He said Jesus loved me, always had, always would. I found this very hard to believe. How could he love me, when I hated myself? This couldn't be right! I was an heroin addict, what did God, if he existed, want with me? But I was intrigued.

There was a Gideon Bible in my room and I started to read it a little. I came across a passage in one of the Gospel books, I know now it was Mark 2:17. In it Jesus explains the kind of people he's come to save,

"On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

If there was one thing I was certain about, it was that I was a sinner! When I read that I realised that Jesus did love me, and even loved me enough to die for me!

I had to speak to Wayne right now! I ran around until I found him, "I want Jesus, and I want him now", was all I could say. He asked me a few questions, was I ready to turn away from the sin in my life? YES! Was I prepared to put effort in to changing with God's help? YES! Would I proclaim Jesus as my Lord and Saviour? YES! We prayed together and it was like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. Before, I'd always had an internal mental feeling that my head, if described in a picture, was a great big jumble of knotted string, it almost hurt when I closed my eyes. But now that was gone, something had definitely changed within me!

But, for the next 6 years my life was to get a lot harder. Was there a God??? I still wasn't completely sure.....

Follow up - Drug users are not dirty

Yesterday I received a number of anonymous comments, over a short period of time. Each of which was strongly in opposition to my earlier posting "Drug users are not dirty". While I replied collectively with my own comment I thought it right and proper to raise this issue directly in a blog, so that everyone could have the opportunity to read these comments and reply with their own views. Please use the link provided to read the post and it's comments, and let me know your thoughts, thank you.

http://kevrecovery.blogspot.com/2008/03/drug-users-are-not-dirty.html

Recovery-snakes and ladders:part 3

It was about 6 hours later when I regained consciousness, I was alone, it didn't look like anybody had been near me. I was absolutely gutted, what was I still doing alive? This could not be possible, I'd injected enough to kill a horse! I decided to walk up to the A&E hospital, not to actually go to A&E but to jump off the top of the car park there. I wanted the immense pain that my life had become to end, and it was the closest high building. A couple of hours later I was 7 storeys up. Looking down, I found that I couldn't jump. I was used to sticking needles in my arm but I'd never jumped from 70 feet before. It scared the shit out of me! I kept drifting in and out of consciousness so I decided to sit on the edge of the thin parapet thinking that the next time I lost consciousness I would just fall off. But, I kept on waking up, still there. This went on for hours and hours until I thought this isn't going to happen, I might as well get down. My problems now were even worse, I'd stolen the money I used to buy the gear from a friend, thinking that my end would justify the means I'd used. I was a complete failure, I couldn't even kill myself and now I'd stolen from a friend, something I'd never done before and now regretted. I didn't know what I was going to do, my options had run out. I was desperate and lonely.

'Shooting gallery' encourages users to get treatment

I read with interest Monday's Daily dose which highlighted a story from Vancouver, Canada, about a supervised injecting site which was recently reviewed by an expert advisory committee commissioned by Health Minister, Tony Clement to decide whether or not the site was having favourable results in the community it serves. The committee of experts in addictions, mental health and criminology reported that the site is well supported in the local community, provides good value for money, doesn't increase crime rates or drug use, actually encourages drug users to get treatment and necessary vaccinations, and also reduces overdose rates.

Researcher Dr Thomas Kerr commented,

"Overall, the report is very positive and confirms our research that the site is doing what it's supposed to do -- provide health benefits without increasing harm," said Kerr, a researcher with the Centre for Excellence on HIV/AIDS. "Now it's time for the federal government to honour the findings and stop asking if this program should remain open."

Sounds like a good result to me! A friend of mine works in a direct access, front line hostel as a support worker. In a recent conversation he mentioned that the charity he works for has investigated the possibilities of opening the same kind of facilities here. Their findings were that it was possible, legally, to do this here. Over the last two years, in this hostel alone, I know personally of 5 people who have died from overdoses while secretly injecting. This kind of initiative would have saved their lives. Addiction is about life and death, it's that serious, and it's time a radical new approach is sanctioned to minimise the harm caused to substance misuser's, so that they will still be alive when all the pieces fit together for their recovery. Could 'shooting gallery's' be that radical new approach?

Breath of fresh air

Earlier this month a group of over 40 Imams, community leaders and local councillors met in Ilford to discuss the issue of drug abuse in the Muslim and Asian communities. The event celebrates a year anniversary for the 'Joining the loop' partnership, set up by Drugsline director, Aryeh Sufrin and local Imam, Haroon Patel. The purpose of the event being to share experiences and generate better awareness in local leaders, so that they'll be in a stronger position to support members of their communities who are battling with substance misuse issue's. The service offers drugs information, crisis support and counselling, provided by 35 volunteers in Urdu, Bengali, Gujarati, Hebrew and Yiddish, all made possible by a council grant.

It's fantastic to see this kind of event happening in Britain. Substance misuser's are generally in an excluded and stigmatised minority in this Country, even more so in Muslim and Asian circles, where addiction is considered a taboo subject. This is a viewpoint that the partnership is tackling head on. Drugsline director and local Rabbi Aryeh Sufrin commented,

"There are no boundaries to those who can find themselves struggling with
addiction. We need everyone to reach out and spread the message in their
communities to let them know that these services exist.
Drugsline has over 15 years experience of dealing with drugs and alcohol addiction issues and now our expertise is available to those who otherwise would have little or no appropriate support."

I wonder what it would take to set an event up like this in South Wales. This is the kind of action we need if we’re going to tackle substance misuse successfully. Hopefully with precedents like this being set, the rest of the Country will soon follow suit and actually pull together to get the results I think we all want. The inertia in this area is demoralising for everyone, let’s all do something about it.

If you'd like more information on Drugsline you can contact them on http://www.drugsline.org/ or call 020 8554 3220.

Recovery???

"Am I in recovery now???"

The word "recovery" used in terms of drug and alcohol addiction is not well defined, it seems. The term means different things to different people. " I'm a recovering addict" is a phrase commonly used by lots of people, but what exactly does that mean? It could be used by somebody who's still using street drugs or alcohol but is working at addressing their issues, maybe attending a group or something similar. It could be used by somebody who's stopped using alcohol or street drugs but is on some form of substitute prescription. It can even be used by somebody who was once an alcoholic or addict but no longer uses even prescribed substitute medicine. Which one, if any, would be the more accurate use of this term? Further to this, can somebody in recovery ever reach the pinnacle this word suggests, and actually become 'recovered'?

All too often in my experience I've noticed that professionals, in the drug and alcohol field, would consider me to be in recovery just because they had secured me a script of substitute drugs. This thinking is bizarre. Recovery, in my opinion, is about a large combination of factors which will be different for us all, but involving physical, mental and spiritual factors, all combining in different amounts but contributing to the final outcome of securing lasting behavior change. Recovery cannot be imposed by a third party, it's up to the user themselves to decide what their goals are in relation to their capabilities. If somebodies goal is to stop using street drugs and stay on a maintenance script of something or other for life, then they've attained their goal/s and have reached recovery. Maybe why that's why the term is not easily defined, it varies for all of us.

To those that have an addiction problem, I'd like to say that recovery is about listening to your heart, not your head.

All you need is love

Last night I enjoyed an evening of great home cooked Chinese food, good company and conversation. It was the birthday bash of Dave's (director of Wired In) son, Sam. While outside chatting to Chris, who is also a recovering addict, a friend of many years and another of Wired In's volunteers, we realised how far we had both come in the last few years.
It was Chris that said "Isn't this great? Spending an evening in a beautiful house in the country, with our families and loved ones around us, celebrating a birthday. We wouldn't have been doing this a few years ago!" Chris had a look of pure happiness on his face, and a peacefulness about him that was so obvious it shone from him. He was bang on, life now for both of us is more than just enjoyable, it's fulfilling.
There's a lot to be said for coming through something that takes you to the brink of death, my priorities, the things I cannot live without have changed. It's not wealth, social standing or what other people think of me that's important anymore, I've realised that material goods will never make me complete. All I really need to be fulfilled in life is love, and by that I mean all types of love, God, family and Eros. Anything else that's in my life is a bonus. It's the simple pleasures in life that both Chris and I enjoy most of all, and that make our lives complete. What I like most of all about this concept is that anyone and everyone can experience it, if they want to.

Recovery-snakes and ladders:part 2

We last left my story at the point where I'd given up on life. From there I entered a long period of drifting with the flow, with hardly any hope of ever beating my addiction. Living in a hostel I was surrounded by drugs and drug users, I had no friends outside of these circles and only acquaintances within. Through these years many of the people I knew died, mostly overdosing and some through more secondary causes. I wanted the pain I was in, not just physically but mentally as well, to stop for good. I took a huge overdose of 10 bags of heroin, the most I'd ever taken in one go before was 2, and they were very small. This was not a cry for help, I believed this amount was guaranteed to finish me off and stop my pain for good. I cooked up and slammed it in, within ten seconds my hands and feet felt as though red hot needles were being repeatedly stabbed into them. Within another ten seconds my head felt like it was being crushed by huge weights repeatedly crashing into my temples as though in time with my pulse. Then I blacked out into unconsciousness.....

Conservative claptrap

In two articles highlighted today on Daily Dose, Conservative MPs are having a go at Labour's record in dealing with those with drink and drug problems. Apparently, the number of addicts claiming incapacity benefit or severe disablement allowance has doubled under Labour to more than 100,000.

“Taxpayers will be outraged that so much of their money is going to junkies and
winos who will use the money simply to fund their disgusting habits. Nobody
forced them to get hooked on drink or drugs. It’s their responsibility to get
cleaned up and off benefits.”

Tory MP David Davies, Monmouth

I used to think David Davies was alright, although that wasn't based on very much just what a friend from Monmouth had said. That has all changed. How narrow minded and bigoted can he get? It is horrifying that these are the views of a man with the power to influence the help available to those affected by addiction.

The Shadow Home secretary David Davis recently said,

“The flawed efforts to manage - not end - addiction make it part of the problem,
not the solution. We would extend abstinence-based drug rehabilitation to
get
addicts off all drugs for good.”

How does David Davis hope to do this with MPs such as David Davies in his party? While I agree in part with the Shadow Home secretary that trying to manage addiction just makes things worse, would I really want a political party who’s MPs spout so much derogatory nonsense in control of this nation and its NHS? No way, José! While I believe that abstinence, generally, is the correct goal to have as a recovering addict, that cannot possibly be decided by a third party. Only the addict can decide for themselves what their goals are, or should be. Our job as professionals is to support them in their decisions, utilising harm reduction methods where possible.

Substance users are already overly ostracized by society, which is detrimental to their recovery, without their MPs adding to this discrimination and further hindering their chances of long term recovery.

I’d like to know what my reader’s views are on these quotes, and the Tory party’s stance on addiction and recovery.

DDN follow up on "Drug users are not dirty"

DDN (Drinks and drugs news) interviewed Bob Dale, service manager at Merseycare NHS Trust addiction services about the recent advertising campaign in Merseyside. Apparently service users were consulted, and had actually chosen the name and theme of the campaign which was then approved by the NTA's regional representative.

Bob Dale stands by the campaign saying it's already attracting a "steady response" from new clients. If this is the case, is it worth upsetting a few people in getting these results? Read the whole article and let me know your feelings.

http://www.drinkanddrugs.net/news.html

European dream

What an amazing day, Cardiff City FC are in the final of the FA cup! Joe Ledley is the toast of Cardiff after firing his volley in the back of the net, also netting a deserved man of the match award. It isn't all good news though, in normal circumstances the winner of the FA cup qualifies for the Uefa Cup, but, as Cardiff City are a Welsh club and not affiliated to the English Football Association they would not be allowed to go into the Uefa Cup.

Uefa spokesman, William Gaillard, has suggested Cardiff could be given a wild card entry should they win but that decision will be made by an executive committee. What a blow it would be if Cardiff win and then don't get the benefits that any other winner would get. Shouldn't everyone be treated the same? To get into the final of the Cup is a massive thing for the Welsh people, to be in the Uefa cup would be a dream come true, a moment of legend throughout all eternity.

I for one think the winner of the FA Cup, whoever that is, should go to Europe.

Honesty:The best policy?

Nick Clegg, the new Liberal Democrat leader was recently interviewed by GQ magazine, obviously an attempt to raise his profile in the "right" circles. While admitting he'd had "no more than thirty" lovers in his life, he point blank refused to answer whether he'd ever smoked a joint.
Likewise, David Cameron, the Conservative leader admits to membership of the Bullingdon Club, famous for smashing up top class restaurants. But clams up when asked about any drug linked exploits, even failing to deny claims in a biography that he came close to being expelled from Eton for using cannabis.
Nick Clegg is well known for calling for honesty in politics, but only as much as he is comfortable with it seems. Do politicians think it is better to say nothing when confronted? That we will all forget in time, if they look at their shoe's every time they're asked?

For me this question should have two possible responses from anybody who has ever partaken, starting either- Yes I have tried it, but regret it..., or, Yes I have tried it, and don't regret it...

On the other hand I applaud Boris Johnson, Henley MP and Conservative candidate for Mayor of London. Interviewed on Friday he admitted to both snorting coke and smoking ganja, saying that "The stuff you and I may have smoked is not the same as the kid's are having now. I think skunk and this stuff is very, very dangerous......I thoroughly disagree with drugs. I don't want my kids having drugs."
Surely it's far better to openly admit to your actions and give your reasons why they are mistakes, that you now regret. This would give the public correct information, allowing them to make their own informed decisions.

I hope this takes precedent in the world of politics and other MPs follow suite.

What do you think, is honesty the best policy?

Recovery-snakes and ladders:part 1

Throughout the years of my addiction I believed I had only one major hurdle to get over, that being to not use drugs, and then everything in my life would fall into place. Unfortunately this turned out to not be the case. I came to realise that my addiction had been masking lots of other issues in my life, such as feelings of inadequacy, poor life skills and social ineptitude to name but a few. These issues only came to light when I actually managed to stop using. I wasn't prepared for them and I was taken completely by surprise at a time when I was at my most vulnerable. This particular time ended in relapse for me, and turned into my darkest and most hopeless time of drug addiction. I felt I couldn't cope with life, using or not. I knew my options had run out and there was nothing left for me do but fade away. I did my best to speed my demise up, using more and more of any downers I could get my hands on. I wanted to die.....

Fortunately I'm still here, due to a combination of factors that I'll be discussing in future blogs.

Speaking out

First of all, thanks to everyone who has expressed their views on the shambles that is Merseycare NHS Trust addiction services. The service manager, Mr Bob Dale has not resigned or even apologised for this advertising campaign that portrays service users and those with substance misuse issues, in such a narrow minded, stereotypical way. But I'm encouraged, by the response of you all, that there is common sense and decency both in professionals in this field and service users alike.

I'd like to encourage those in recovery who believe they would like to work in this field, to go for it, big style. I myself was in that position a little under a year ago. I'm now being paid to do what I love, and it's amazing.

THE WORLD IS YOURS

If, you want it.....

Your Country needs YOU!!

I'm still tamping about that insulting advertising campaign I wrote about yesterday, so today I decided a call to action was needed.

One voice can make a difference if we're bold enough to speak loudly, from the right platform. The internet gives us all that platform, if we want it. I for one have had quite enough of the largely ineffectual drug and alcohol services in this Country. Yes, there are some that are very good and make a great deal of difference to alot of people. But these services are few and far between and from what I've experienced, they tend to be self sustaining, choosing not to receive money from the government.

If you are putting up with a service that isn't up to scratch it's time to complain. We all deserve to receive the best treatment and this simply isn't happening in large areas of Britain. By speaking out it will help to identify areas in need and get the ball rolling in improving health services for everyone. Let's put the GREAT back into Britain.