The ups and downs of recovery!

I've been in recovery for 3 years, there's been ups and there's been downs during this time. Life is that way, there couldn't possibly be another way of living as there's so much out of our personal control. It took me a little while to realise this as when ever tough times had come along in previous non-using times, I had gone straight back to using. I had no other way of dealing with the crap, life threw at me.

The problem was I saw myself as a victim and that I had it hard. The truth is I made life choices at a young age that I was now paying for, I myself was not a victim of anyone but myself. When this finally sank in with me, I knew that I had to stop moping around and take responsibility for my responses to these things that came at me in life, the good, the bad and the ugly, and try to deal with them in a positive fashion. I was only able to do this with support from others in recovery alongside professional support/direction.

Just realising that I had options in the choices I made, i.e. to use or not essentially, was like being set free in itself, and it laid the foundations for me to build my recovery on.

Thank you to everyone who played a part in helping me to realise my potential.

Recovery-snakes and ladders:part 1

Throughout the years of my addiction I believed I had only one major hurdle to get over, that being to not use drugs, and then everything in my life would fall into place. Unfortunately this turned out to not be the case. I came to realise that my addiction had been masking lots of other issues in my life, such as feelings of inadequacy, poor life skills and social ineptitude to name but a few. These issues only came to light when I actually managed to stop using. I wasn't prepared for them and I was taken completely by surprise at a time when I was at my most vulnerable. This particular time ended in relapse for me, and turned into my darkest and most hopeless time of drug addiction. I felt I couldn't cope with life, using or not. I knew my options had run out and there was nothing left for me do but fade away. I did my best to speed my demise up, using more and more of any downers I could get my hands on. I wanted to die.....

Fortunately I'm still here, due to a combination of factors that I'll be discussing in future blogs.